Kategoria: Slasher

#1086 Disconnected (1984)

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The only relief I had when watching this movie was the realisation that I wasn’t sitting in a movie screening, having to watch through this pile of excrement just because the filming crew were my acquaintances. Because Disconnected is precisely the kind of student film crap that calls for intervention from the friends: Telling them kindly but firmly that making movies might just not be the right choice for them.

I won’t waste any more time – mine or yours – listing everything that’s wrong with the film; it’s easier to just state there is absolutely nothing of value here.

The only merit that Disconnected has is its ability gathers all the worst aspects of indie horror films into one, and upping the ante by making simple slasher formula so cryptic nobody can understand one bit of it.

80s-o-meter: 61%

Total: 0%

#972 Halloween 2018: Trick or Treats aka Don’t Prank the Babysitter! (1982)

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When Halloween night stopped being fun, indeed!

Trick or Treats is yet another horror movie this year with an interesting synopsis, and a lousy execution; an innocent babysitter getting tormented by a prankster kid from hell is an original and interesting concept that would’ve surely lent itself for many interesting plot twists.

But the screenwriter and director Gary Graver never manages to evolve the idea any further, and the shtick becomes tiresome before it gets entertaining. While the kid is pranking the babysitter, a killer put inside an asylum in the beginning of the movie makes his painstakingly slow getaway from the institute to perform his killings, and the movie is pretty much over by the time he finally makes it to the site.

Oh, and don’t get fooled by David Carradine getting the top billing here. His role is minuscule and probably shot in just a few hours time.

80s-o-meter: 81%

Total: 28%

#968 Halloween 2018: Student Bodies (1981)

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Student Bodies is a spoof of the slasher movies that thrived in the early 80s.

It came to the party remarkably early in 1981, at the time when slashers were still arriving left, right and center for the next two years. Considering its early release date it feels surprisingly fresh, even more so than most of the movies it satirises. The humour is of the crazy comedy style with many loose gags thrown in, in the style of Airplane (1980). Admittedly many of the gags and jokes are snappy, but still rarely laugh out loud funny. There are a few recurring routines also that get old really fast, like the antagonist’s continuous heavy breathing spread throughout the movie.

One of the film’s best remembered character is the mysterious ’The Stick’ – a raw-boned stand-up comedian playing Malvert the school janitor – for whom Student Bodies remained his only feature film before his untimely death in 1989.

80s-o-meter: 81%

Total: 52%

#967 Halloween 2018: Final Exam (1981)

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Final Exam feels like two different movies merged into one: There’s a surprisingly interesting drama comedy about college life, believable relationships and the power of fraternities over freshmen – some above average slasher plot lines going on here!

Then, there is most a pretty uninteresting slasher haphazardly glued on the side, which to its only merit doesn’t directly copy any other slasher I know of. But, it does boost a pretty appalling antagonist and doesn’t really bring anything much new or interesting to the table.

Thanks to the some actual writing work and character development Final Exam ends up well above the usual soulless copy paste slashers, but most likely won’t please most of the horror gore hounds out there.

80s-o-meter: 84%

Total: 47%

#965 Halloween 2018: Sorority House Massacre (1986)

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Sorority House Massacre marks for an another late comer movie to the slasher genre.

The movie repackages the original Halloween plot line with a murderous brother coming after people returning to the house where the murders originally happened, and wraps it all up in a cheap direct-to-video container and sprinkles on top just about every cliché of the genre it can find.

The expectable outcome may please the most devoted fans of the genre, but personally I found Sorority House Massacre one of the most uninspired attempts at the subject.

80s-o-meter: 89%

Total: 12%

#963 Halloween 2018: Hack-o-Lantern aka Halloween Night aka The Damning (1988)

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A low budget, direct-to-video horror movie known by many names, Hack-o-Lantern follows a satanic cult that sacrifices its victims on Halloween eves, run by a hillbilly granpa who this year he aims to initiate his mullet-sporting nephew Tommy as the new cult leader.

As soon as you hear there’s also a totally uncalled for impromptu stand-up comedy routine, tons of huge eighties hair and a trashy rock music video dream sequence ending up with the band members vanishing into thin air and the guitarist getting his head chopped off with a pitchfork you’d think you’re in to a real b-movie treat. But this potentially hilariously absurd concept is never followed up with any coherent plot, and the movie itself ends up something of a snooze fest.

Hack-o-Lantern has much of the right elements for a cult classic, but thanks to a total lack of direction the movie soon becomes uninteresting, ending up somewhat of a chore to watch through.

80s-o-meter: 72%

Total: 28%

#957 Halloween 2018: Sleepaway Camp 3 – Teenage Wasteland (1989)

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Shot back to back with the second part, Sleepaway Camp 3: Teenage Wasteland picks up the ’story’ one year after the events seen in the sequel.

On the thematic level the movie continues exactly where it left off previously, so it’s more of the same old. But this time around the movie seems even more relaxed and out there with the antagonist almost yawning as she wipes out the campers one by one. Some unnecessary flashbacks are added to the movie in an obvious attempt to make it run a few minutes longer.

Teenage Wasteland is utter garbage, but on the other hand it’s enjoyably loose and indifferent about it all, and that’s something I can still respect on some level.

80s-o-meter: 89%

Total: 53%

#956 Halloween 2018: Sleepaway Camp 2 – Unhappy Campers (1988)

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Shot five years after the original, Sleepaway Camp 2: Unhappy Campers has a very little to do with the original. Sure, the summer camp motif is still there, but this time around its all for chuckles, laughs, titties and gore.

As a horror spoof Sleepaway Camp 2 is better than most of its peers, but as a movie it’s shallow as a puddle killfest where your mileage will depend on how much you enjoy witnessing the various ways the antagonist rubs out her victims. Made for a definite film to sit through with your brains switched off, I can’t but to help that the genre would still lend itself for a bit wittier spoofing than what’s on offer here.

80s-o-meter: 88%

Total: 51%

#955 Halloween 2018: Sleepaway Camp (1983)

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If there’s one common denominator with all of the Friday the 13th copycat slashers I’ve had to sit through, it’s that just can’t hold a candle to the original, no matter how blatantly they copy it. With Sleepaway Camp Jason has actually met his peer, if not even a successor.

The jolly happy Meatballs like camp look and feel works well with the atrocities the movie has up its sleeve. Most of the killings are pretty inventive and horrid and the outdated early 80s look somehow becomes the movie well. But it is that notorious end part that takes the movie from a slasher to a full fledged horror movie and if you have ever heard rumours about it: Yes, it’s pretty much as chilling as they come.

Sleepaway Camp ended up one of the most pleasant (or unpleasant) surprises this year and should make its way on your Halloween list even if slashers aren’t your thing.

80s-o-meter: 74%

Total: 87%

#947 Halloween 2018: Blood Hook (1986)

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If you’re like me and watched your fair share of slashers, you would agree that there’s a certain comedic element present in many of them even if they’re not marketed as comedies – especially the ones that show the imaginative ways how the killers do away with their victims. I’m tend to be very sceptical every time I’m presented with a slasher comedy, as they set out to parodize a movie genre that’s somewhat of a parody to begin with and a setup that rarely lends itself to any witty approaches.

In this sense Blood Hook is the worst of the worst. Otherwise your typical slasher, the comedy here is limited in the method of how the killer attacks his human prey: By throwing an oversized, hooked lure at them. Yes, it is just as funny on the screen as it sounds here.

As much as I sometimes loathe the copy paste slashers, some of them still earn a bit of my respect for having the backbone of not making a total, idiotic buffoonery out of their movie. For Blood Hook, not even that applies.

80s-o-meter: 58%

Total: 3%

#946 Halloween 2018: Night School aka Terror Eyes (1981)

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A killer dressed in a motorcycle leather suit and a helmet goes around decapitating young women in Night School, a bore of a slasher marketed as Terror Eyes on the European side of the pond.

Before I totally tear the movie apart, it has to be said to the movie’s defence that it does make an effort to be more intelligent than many of its contemporary peers. The characters are adult instead of teenagers, there’s paper thin layer of whodunnit present and the movie’s style resembles more of a 70s psychological thriller than your typical slasher. But the movie is just too tame and there is a very little horror to be had here, with only the few odd kill scenes offering somewhat suspenseful moments. When not being boring, Night School is totally middle of the road with none of the moments really awful – but not particularly good either.

Night School ends up being just plain dull, which is certainly a bigger offence than being bad in my book.

80s-o-meter: 38%

Total: 22%

#945 Halloween 2018: Hide and Go Shriek (1988)

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If you want to see the saddest excuse for an antagonist in the recorded movie history, look no further than Hide and Go Shriek, a made for teens movie shot in 1988 with a look and feel of an early 80s slasher.

In other words: Outdated and poor.

Like is the case with many late 80s slashers, Hide and Go Shriek makes for an attempt to change a few variables in the tired genre. This time around, instead of the cabin or the woods, the teens go camp in a department store where the maniac killer starts to rub them out one by one, as expected.

Despite the aforementioned laughably lousy baddie, Hide and Go Shriek leaves no lasting impression whatsoever and even the most forgiving slasher fans will likely be sick of it by the middle point.

80s-o-meter: 55%

Total: 17%

#944 Halloween 2018: The Zero Boys (1986)

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Made as late is in 1986 when the slashers were already badly outdated, Zero Boys tries to pass itself as an action movie by throwing in a few guns for the teens to shoot around with. But make no mistake, this is very much your basic slasher that does only a little to add anything new to the old formula.

In fact; as a slasher Zero Boys is subpar as it totally lacks the imaginative killings or memorable antagonists that make the best of the genre the best.

Production quality is a step up from its early 80s rivals, but that will only take it so far. Starting semi-strong with an interesting setup, Zero Boys takes several steps for the worse until turning into totally irrelevant mess in the second half, and falls short both as an horror movie or a convincing action film.

80s-o-meter: 89%

Total: 38%

#943 Halloween 2018: Hell Night (1981)

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Just when I was totally fed up with dozens of early 80s cut & paste slashers, along comes Hell Night, a horror movie that doesn’t settle for repeating the lowest common denominators of the genre, but mixes and matches elements from various horror subgenres to make for an atmospheric film.

Story wise there isn’t much new here; a bunch of teenagers are challenged to spend a night in a spooky mansion, and expectedly someone starts to rub them out, one by one. But beyond the dodgy plot the movie makers manage to make quite a lot of good decisions from a constant eery presence of an evil to the relentless antagonist wisely exposed to the camera sparingly, which no doubt works for the movie’s advantage.

Hell Night was categorised and underrated as a yet another slasher upon its release, but has been later rightfully valued as an above average slasher, perfect for that gloomy Halloween movie night.

80s-o-meter: 72%

Total: 82%

#941 Halloween 2018: Scream (1981)

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Tourists run amok in an abandoned western ghost town, getting put away one by one in Scream, a sorry excuse for a movie.

What we have here is a totally effortless exercise that looks and feels like it’s been shot in a location in one day. It’s even bad in the usually poor slasher genre, unable to make any of the kills memorable. Forget about seeing some first class FX work here, due to the strict restrictions of talent and funds, what you’ll usually see is a take of an axe swinging midair, followed by a scream.

The scares consist of some very muffled and quiet dialogue followed by extremely loud noises that are enough to make you hate the movie, as well as its creators.

80s-o-meter: 55%

Total: 4%

#902 The Majorettes (1987)

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The Majorettes starts out as your typical early 80s copy-paste high school slasher, and not as a particularly good one at that. There’s a small town cheerleader gang, a few naked locker room tit scenes and a killer that begins doing them in.

The movie keeps ticking on all the lowest common denominator boxes until in the act two it inexplicably turns into a revenge flick as one of the jocks annihilates a local motorcycle gang. The change is so abrupt and out of place that if I was in a movie theatre, I would’ve assumed the projectionist had swapped in a wrong reel by accident. I can only assume this is all done to make the otherwise uninspired slasher somehow a bit more unique.

This change of a pace unfortunately adds only a limited amusement factor to it all, and the movie itself remains subpar until the very end.

80s-o-meter: 81%

Total: 17%

#792 Xmas 2017: To All a Goodnight (1980)

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The Christmas featurette for 2017 is going to be a short one – looks like I’m down to the last Christmas movies of the 80s that I know of. The first movie – To All a Goodnight – is another slasher where the killer happens to dress up as the Santa.

As some of you might be remember, this is a familiar concept from Silent Night, Deadly Night series and Christmas Evil, and it’s just as uninspired as the other ones. And it also happens to be the least christmassy one of them all.

To All a Goodnight is an amateurish early 80s slasher that runs pretty much exactly as you’d imagine it to, and even with its many technical flaws – like, the night shots being obviously just poorly dimmed day shots – isn’t bad enough to warrant any chuckles. It’s got your usual stuff like tits and multiple kills, but no suspension nor anything else original to really keep up any interest.

80s-o-meter: 72%

Total: 24%

#761 Halloween 2017: Neon Maniacs aka Evil Dead Warriors (1986)

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Let’s get this out of the way: Neon Maniacs’s plot is a total nonsense.

A gang of ghoulies start spawning from under the Golden Gate bridge and start killing people – mostly young – around San Francisco. These creatures are straight out of carnival kind of goofy looking, and as is it turns out they can be killed using nothing but just plain old water. No Oscar winning material here.

Fortunately this nonsense is executed with a top notch B-movie style in the best tradition of the 80s: There’s gory and gooey effects the Neon Maniacs melting, parties and cheesy musical performances, all of which make otherwise mediocre Neon Maniacs a fun and rememberable slasher horror movie that offers a refreshing twist on this sometimes very tired genre.

80s-o-meter: 90%

Total:80%

#754 Halloween 2017: Friday the 13th Part VIII Jason Takes Manhattan (1989)

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The last Friday the 13th movie of the decade, Part VIII: Jason Takes Manhattan falls in the category of being yet another failure of a sequel, but at least failing in a refreshingly new way by taking the franchise on board to a boat, and finally to the big apple. Which is good news – I really couldn’t have stomached another cabin full of kids ending tits up around the Crystal Lake again.

Jason we see this time around is cunning and witty, and somehow again seems more like an ordinary, breathing human being wearing a mask rather than the supreme being seen in the previous two movies. A few years tied to the bottom of a lake can do one wonders, I guess.

The boat ride part is pretty average without much surprises, dragging on for far too long and it’s only in the last 20 minutes of the movie that we actually get to the Manhattan, which provides a much more interesting setting for the movie. The few interesting minutes of the movie are over soon and finished with an insignificant ending that leaves a lot to be desired. As the end credits rolled I just wished Jason’s visit to the New York City would’ve been just a little bit longer.

80s-o-meter: 90%

Total: 62%

#753 Halloween 2017: Friday the 13th Part VII The New Blood (1988)

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I don’t have to tell you that six sequels in seven years to any movie is downright ridiculous. But, here we go..

Friday the 13th Part VII The New Blood starts when Jason, trapped to the bottom of the lake gets freed by a young woman with psychokinetic powers, and is soon on the killing spree once again. Compared to Jason Lives, the Part 7 is a big step back to the generic slasher world – including many obligatory pairs of nude tits – and ends up even much less insignificant than the previously weakest parts 3 and 4. Thanks to MPAA the movie is very low on gore, and the whole cast is so unbelievably trivial I found myself rooting for Jason this time around.

That is, when I wasn’t yawning while the movie dragged on like a sloth on valium.

Gone are the action and the playfulness of the previous movie, replaced by inane, tired clichés like cats giving jump scares, leaving The New Blood a totally irrelevant, piss poor slasher.

80s-o-meter: 81%

Total: 9%