#1341 Nadine (1987)

Let me start with a confession: I’ve browsed through this poster in my collection about a thousand times and always skipped the text, looked at the picture and assumed that it was Patrick Swayze who is starring in Nadine with Kim Basinger. I was therefore more than a bit stunned to see Jeff Bridges instead.

Not that I mind, Bridges is one of the greats that I always enjoy seeing on the silver screen. In fact, he is much too good to be in Nadine, a pretty tame action crime comedy set in the 1950s Texas.

On the positive note he does make the movie better than it rightfully deserves to be; the tale of an impulsive hairdresser and his soon-to-be bum ex husband is not very interesting nor is their constant quarrelling funny. The movie does have its exciting moments though as the shady real estate kingpin played by the great Rip Torn finds out the couple has obtained a confidential document he has been looking forward to getting in his hands.

80s-o-meter: 50%

Total: 61%

#1339 Dancers (1987)

Tony (Mikhail Baryshnikov) is a good dancer who’s had sex with every ballet dancer in his ballet company. While he is preparing a film version of Giselle balette in Italy, a 17-year-old American teenager joins the company and Tony wants to have sex with her as well. It all goes well until she hears about the former people Tony has had sex. And then we see about 45 minutes of balette dancing on the stage.

I don’t know who convinced The Cannon Group that making Dancers would be a terrific idea –– it doesn’t sound good even on paper, and on film it’s a total dud.

I’d much rather watched just the ballet dancing for 90 minutes – and I don’t even care for ballet a bit.

80s-o-meter: 8%

Total: 0%

#1337 The Trouble with Spies (1987)

The Trouble with Spies was originally shot in 1984 as a made for TV movie but released three years later as a theatrical release. But make no mistake, this spy comedy looks and feels very much like your average early 80s TV movie.

Special Agent comedies have been already done to death by 1984, and The Trouble with Spies is really nothing more but yet another poor man’s Pink Panther copy. There was two upsides seeing this movie, first one being seeing Lucy Gutteridge (who ended up mostly in made for TV movies) starring in another movie besides Top Secret! – a movie I’ve seen about gazillion times as a kid.

Another upside? That adorable guard dog towards the end of the movie.

80s-o-meter: 40%

Total: 38%

#1329 The Whales of August (1987)

The last movie of the legendary silent movie star Lillian Gish, The Whales of August follows the life and events of two sisters staying together an August during their twilight years in a small shoreside cabin in Maine, like they have done so many times ever since their childhood.

This is one of those slow movies, and nothing much goes on here. In fact, the pacing is painfully slow for anyone with a short attention span .. like myself.

The Whales of August is a hard movie to review, and it pretty much boils down to how much you appreciate seeing the great stars of the yesteryear one more time together in the same movie. My rating will be on the low end due to slow pacing and not having former relationship with the actors – but if you rate it higher, you won’t be getting any counter arguments from me either.

80s-o-meter: 2%

Total: 21%

#1324 The Rosary Murders (1987)

Many movie genres of the 80s still hold up well today, but due to the staggering amount of well written crime movies and TV series we’ve seen in the last two decades, the crime / thriller genre has evolved leaps and bounds.

This leaves many a-ok 80s thrillers paling in comparison. Not because they are necessarily bad, but because we’ve accustomed to seeing such perfected thrill rides that make the old presentation feel tame and slow.

Such is the case with The Rosary Murders as well – while it is a pretty decent crime mystery of its era, you will likely find its offerings thrilling if you’re not accustomed to the genre in any way.

80s-o-meter: 60%

Total: 61%

#1268 Housekeeping (1987)

A critical success of movie of an odd ball sisters, who after getting orphaned end up with their eccentric aunt.

Housekeeping is one of those movies where you either get enchanted by the eccentricity, or don’t get much out of the movie, as happened to me. While I did enjoy the overall mood I found the characters uninteresting and pacing of the movie tedious.

For me a much more interesting story would’ve instead been that of the sister who’s torn with belonging to the dysfunctional family and wanting to fit it with the rest of the society.

80s-o-meter: 60%

Total: 30%

#1263 Lionheart (1987)

Starring Eric Stoltz, Lionheart is a 12th century adventure film that the time forgot – and for a good reason.

The reason being that nothing in it really stands out in a memorable way. Released in the era that already gave us terrific adventures like Excalibur, Legend, Willow and Conan the Barbarian that all have their unique thing going for them, Lionheart feels completely lukewarm and odourless.

While similar movies visual landmark movies of their time, Lionheart has the look & feel of Monty Python and The Holy Grail, sans the humour.

80s-o-meter: 8%

Total: 22%

#1258 Date with an Angel (1987)

Whether you enjoy watching Date with an Angel at all depends on if you take it as a weird comedy with a huge credibility problem – or an adult fantasy fairytale that it is.

The sooner I accepted this, the more I started to enjoy the movie, especially considering that in a bigger picture it all kind of made sense in the end. My movie experience went from rolling my eyes, to getting somewhat engaged, to actually wanting to watch the movie again some time in the future.

I’d even consider the movie a triumph for managing to sell the viewer such an implausible setup, and I’d hoped the team had had more courage than to wrap up the movie otherwise than its current compromised crowd pleasing ending.

80s-o-meter: 90%

Total: 81%

#1248 Someone to Watch Over Me (1987)

If one had to name Ridley Scott’s movie from 1987, even most of the movie enthusiasts would likely draw blank.

Someone to Watch Over Me is probably by far the least known full length feature film in Scott’s immaculate catalogue of movies. And it is a much more insignificant one, resembling more your typical 80s cop movie than a landmark film Scott is known for.

That being said, it’s still a quality movie written, acted, directed and shot with the best skill Hollywood has to offer, and it’s interesting to see Tom Berenger in this anti hero lead role where he is not a perfect cop, perfect husband nor a perfect human.

80s-o-meter: 90%

Total: 85%

#1240 ‎The Pick-up Artist (1987)

We all know what a cool guy Robert Downey Jr of today is. But in his previous life he was a somewhat tiresome character in multiple 80s teen movies.

The Pick-up Artist – Downey Jr’s first leading cinematic role – catches him at his worst. To his defense, there’s nothing much for him to work with in the weak character the script pins on him and I can’t see any contemporary actor saving the movie either.

Nonetheless, the role demands someone with the charm to pull off the lovable scoundrel schtick, but young Downey Jr can’t provide any of that, and his character comes off plain annoying. Same goes for Molly Ringwald who at the peak of her career ends up wasting her time and talent as the romantic interest of this movie.

80s-o-meter: 90%

Total: 36%

#1207 Ironweed (1987)

Ironweed is not nearly as grand movie as it wants to be.

Futhermore, the movie is not a triumph for neither Jack Nicholson nor Meryl Streep, who typically can carry any kind of movie, but here they come across multi-millionaires dressed up in rags and pretending to be alcoholic vagabonds. As weak as the story in Ironweed is, the movie could’ve actually gained from not going for the top billing actors, but trying to introduce new talent instead. This way the movie would’ve at least had the advantage of being an underdog.

Now Ironweed remains an expensive exercise that kept Nicholson and Streep on the peak of their careers from undertaking something more substantial – something that the time would not have already forgotten.

80s-o-meter: 21%

Total: 55%

#1201 Five Corners (1987)

Another movie with a strong cast (Jodie Foster, John Turturro, Tim Robbins) but that has remained totally unknown to me – and presumably also for the wide audience.

Odds for finding a lost gold nugget with such a setup is usually slim to none, and such is the case also here. Based on the writer John Patrick Shanley’s experiences in growing up in Bronx during the sixties, the movie throws together a wide array of eccentric characters, out of which only few tie together in the end in a satisfactory way. The sixties does not provide any kind of additional story drivers nor elements, but serving only to provide a dose of nostalgia to certain audience segment.

Five Corners offers a few interesting insights to its quirky characters, but those characters and their real emotional drivers end up woefully hollow.

80s-o-meter: 15%

Total: 61%

#1196 They Still Call Me Bruce (1987)

Released straight on video on 1987, They Still Call Me Bruce actually kicks off promisingly – not the Oscar kind of mind you, but discount VHS bin silver nugget kind of promisingly.

The late 80s style suits the movie better than what was seen in the original instalment, the plot revolving around the karate studio is marginally more interesting and the jokes dealing with Bruce misunderstanding English sayings are generally funnier this time around.

But this sequel starts running out of steam soon and the heavy handed padding makes the movie crawl through the finishing line.

80s-o-meter: 82%

Total: 52%

#1189 Halloween 2019: Blood Rage aka Slasher aka Nightmare at Shadow Woods (1987)

An evil half of the twins frames the other half for the murder he committed, and it’s after ten years later when the twin escapes from the asylum that the murders continue.

Blood Rage starts slow, and the story of the two twins is both dull and hard to follow. But as the movie progresses onwards it becomes actually interesting to see how the filmmakers will wrap up the encounter of the twins, along with the mother finally coming into realisation she’s been nourishing a viper in her bosom.

I did like the way the movie amps up the action and suspension towards the end, so that the movie gets quite intense – even borderline morbid – towards its last seconds.

80s-o-meter: 72%

Total: 63%

#1188 Halloween 2019: Blood Harvest aka The Marvelous Mervo aka Nightmare (1987)

Based on the director Bill Rebane’s idea of having Tiny Tim starring in a horror movie, Blood Harvest is yet another slasher taking place in a rural setting.

If you’re like me and totally dubious about who Tiny Tim is, he was apparently some sort of a ukulele playing phenomenon known for his falsetto voice whose popularity peaked during the late 60s. In Blood Harvest he plays an eccentric brother who likes to wear a worn out clown costume, and whose function in the movie is to be the likely suspect to pin the murders on. But, the movie makes it much too obvious who the real killer is for this setup to actually work.

In the end the only interesting aspect of Blood Harvest remains the appearance of Tiny Tim – and even that is not that interesting for most people to bother.

80s-o-meter: 58%

Total: 28%

#1168 Halloween 2019: The Outing aka The Lamp (1987)

The Outing is your somewhat typical monster creature movie, with two notable variables: The creature itself is kind of a evil spirit living inside an old lamp, and the location of the movie is a museum that has acquired the lamp after it was stolen from an old mysterious lady.

While this setup works alright, I still got kind of a dejavú half way through the movie. Not for feeling if I had seen the movie before, but for guessing pretty much spot on how it all would unravel during the remaining 45 minutes, and as much as I’d wanted, The Outing didn’t offer any surprises there.

The strongest suit of The Outing remains its wonderful poster drawn by Drew Struzan. Unfortunately nothing else here reaches the same level of professionalism.

80s-o-meter: 87%

Total: 51%

#1166 Halloween 2019: Slaughterhouse (1987)

Let’s get the bad out of the way first: Slaughterhouse is not particularly scary movie, but to be fair it doesn’t really aim to be one. And although it has that comedic / absurd side tone to it, it luckily doesn’t try to be one of those silly horror spoofs either.

But it does has the look and feel that makes you think if the director/writer Rick Roessler had read an imaginary, over the top horror tale from the Mad Magazine and then decided to turn it into an actual film. There’s an abandoned slaughterhouse, tale of a payback, a big dumb psychopath in the vein of Leatherface and naturally a bunch of teens and other outsiders who wander into the depths of the slaughterhouse and are greeted with a surprise.

Slaughterhouse is not without flaws and clichés but in this case they work for the movie’s benefit, making it a perfectly good fit for those Halloween movie nights with your friends.

80s-o-meter: 90%

Total: 82%

#1154 Halloween 2019: Street Trash (1987)

Old stash of weird booze found in the basement of a liquor store turns the unfortunate ones drinking it into gooey liquid in Street Trash, an experience of a movie to say the least.

The main focus of the movie are naturally the imaginative death scenes that are unlike anything else seen on the screen and anyone interested in trashy effects will find them to warrant watching the movie by themselves. The time between these death scenes is filled with all kinds of imaginable filth from the dark side of mankind: violence, death, chauvinism, necrophilia, castration and rape, in a some kind of loose comic wrapper.

What differentiates the movie from similar trashy films is the quality of the production. The film looks genuinely good and the camera an FX work is solid. All this makes Street Trash a freak of a cult movie that Is incomparable to anything else I’ve seen to date and as such it’s one hard movie to recommend for anything else but to quench your curiosity.

Be aware though, whether you enjoy Street Trash or not might boil down to the state of your intoxication and/or level of medication.

80s-o-meter: 76%

Total: 57%

#1152 The Squeeze (1987)

Halfway through The Squeeze I noticed myself dozing off to ponder what grade should I give it. The movie was struggling to find its own tone of voice and although the movie looks good and features Michael Keaton it was clear this wasn’t going to be one of those definitive comedies of the 80s.

But before I finished writing the review in my head (”Easy to watch, somewhat enjoyable, but nothing much more”), the movie suddenly dropped all the excessive plot lines and really got down to business. From thereon it got better and better until the very end and I ended up really liking The Squeeze.

If only the writing had been a bit more tight during the first half of the movie, The Squeeze would’ve had a chance of not ending up in oblivion.

80s-o-meter: 89%

Total: 83%

#1152 Leonard Part 6 (1987)

Bill Cosby who fared well as a stand-up comedian and triumphed as the all-American TV daddy pretty much brutally bombed on the silver screen during the 80s.

Leonard Part 6, the notoriously bad spy spoof movie written by Cosby himself picks the story up like the fame of the protagonist spy – now retired – had been established before, but in reality no previous Leonard movies or TV series exist. This is first of the many gags of the movie that belly flops.

Really the problem here is the inept script, along with the fact that Cosby himself is somewhat hard to stomach these days. Judging purely by the stills it actually looks like a half decent comedy, but run it from any timestamp for just one minute or more and you’ll soon understand what an unfortunate misfire the movie is.

The movie fails to provide one single laugh which really makes one thankful that the parts 1-5 don’t actually exist.

80s-o-meter: 80%

Total: 11%