#1236 Mystery Mansion (1983)

Mystery Mansion is a family adventure that is a bit too heavily family oriented (ie. does have additional layers for the grown ups to enjoy) and so will not likely keep anyone’s interest up who haven’t seen the movie as kids.

Being a kids’ movie with just a few tame scares, the movie does end up in an eerie way that has likely stuck with the kids who saw this back in the day.

80s-o-meter: 48%

Total: 32%

#1233 The Big Chill (1983)

A bunch of thirty-something friends drifted apart since their youth spend together gather up for the burial of their friend who committed suicide and consequently spend a weekend together at a vacation house.

The Big Chill is brilliantly written, and wonderfully acted with just the right amount of nostalgia, intellectual jabber, painful tragedies, hidden love, and all things that are life.

80s-o-meter: 90%

Total: 91%

#1226 Table for Five (1983)

Table for Five does one thing perfectly right: it’s easy for me to see every situation through different sets of eyes and fully emphasise with them and avoids the easy trap of vilifying anyone.

The concept is original and interesting, but the dramatic pacing of the movie could’ve been better and many of the characters – especially the children – remain distant even after spending 122 minutes with the gang.

80s-o-meter: 72%

Total: 70%

#1223 Daniel (1983)

Featuring one of the most interesting synopses along with the acting talent provided by Timothy Hutton, Daniel turns out disappointingly pointless exercise.

The movie aims to tell the fictive story of the two children of Julius and Ethel Rosenberg, who were executed in US for giving nuclear secrets to the Soviet Union. But not only does the movie take liberties in its story (the names of the characters are completely changed), but manages to create a dull rendition of a super interesting piece of American history.

The movie assumes one to be aware of the incident, but still wades in lengthy flashbacks that do not really bring much information to explain what eventually took place or what were the motivations behind the accused acts. Even more disappointingly the movie weasels out and refuses to take any kind of stance on the events, leaving the viewer with pretty much a big pile of nothing.

80s-o-meter: 50%

Total: 21%

#1214 Eddie Macon’s Run (1983)

A young prison escapee tries to make it to Mexico to join with his family with a keen old detective on his tail.

A likeable road movie with some eccentric characters thrown into the mix, Eddie Macon’s Run doesn’t do anything remarkably well – but it doesn’t do anything remarkably badly either.

Both leads Kirk Douglas and John Schneider perform their roles well, with the latter one doing a good job making his character an easy to relate to underdog.

80s-o-meter: 58%

Total: 70%

#1209 The Osterman Weekend (1983)

The director Sam Peckinpah’s attempt for comeback after five years of radio silence was loaded with high expectations. Based on Robert Ludlum’s 1974 novel of the same name, The Osterman Weekend did not meet those expectations.

Sadly, the movie is pretty much on par with many of the made for TV movies of the era. Hidden camera setup has lost the novelty it had in 1983 and it does not help that the movie is not exactly state of the art of its era what it comes to its visions of this hi-tech.

As the movie gets past its first tedious 60 minutes, it does get mildly more interesting as the big web of lies finally starts to unravel.

80s-o-meter: 46%

Total: 52%

#1199 Gorky Park (1983)

Gorky Park, a murder mystery taking place in Moscow always interested me. Not because of the location itself, but for starring William Hurt and Brian Dennehy, both big time favourites of mine.

There is another aspect to Gorky Park that kind of interested me as well. As the American movie crew didn’t get a permission to shoot behind the iron curtain, the location was changed to Helsinki – my home town.

Given the strong cast and the manuscript being based on a bestseller book, my expectations for the movie were sky high, but weren’t even nearly met. The dreary northern location felt all too unexciting and stale, and beneath taking place in the exotic location Gorky Park is nothing but a very average thriller.

80s-o-meter: 43%

Total: 48%

#1182 Halloween 2019: The Prey (1983)

Filmed already in 1979, but released only four years later, The Prey was originally prepared for Essex Productions known for its adult movies. And it shows: there’s a notable amount of naked skin on display here even for an early 80s slasher, that are well known for their gratuitous nudity.

The story is without surprises: a gang of horny teens wander off to forest, to be crossed off one by one by a manic killer.

The Prey manages to make its attempt entertaining and the production quality and cinematography is somewhat solid, but there’s nothing in here that would set it apart from similar titles. And due to its weak antagonist you will probably want to look elsewhere if cult slashers are your thing.

80s-o-meter: 61%

Total: 55%

#1177 Halloween 2019: Mausoleum (1983)

Girl enters a forgotten Mausoleum and becomes possessed by demon that had previously killed her mother.

The movie has a strong made for TV vibe to it and the green glowing demonic eye effect provides only unintentional humour these days.

The few gory deaths and gratuitous nudity can’t save the movie’s soap opera like execution that makes it somewhat of a snooze fest.

80s-o-meter: 61%

Total: 38%

#1176 Halloween 2019: Frightmare (1983)

An iconic old school horror movie star passes away, but has still more than one trick up his sleeve for those that dare to violate the peace of his tomb.

And it’s soon after this that a few young fans decide to break and enter the tomb and to remove his body, with baneful consequences.

Frightmare offers a somewhat interesting twist to slashers, but never quite reaches its full potential. The 40s and 50s style of horror cinema combined with 80s aesthetics works well – including that ultra modern, almost discotheque like tomb – but as much as I sympathise with Ferdy Mayne’s portrayal of the haunting film star of the yesteryear, the character remains a much too weak antagonist to offer any real scares.

80s-o-meter: 81%

Total: 60%

#1161 Halloween 2019: Sundown: Blood Beat (1983)

What do you do when you realise that slashers are the thing, but you still feel like you have something to give to the world of arthouse cinema?

You shoot an artsy slasher like Blood Beat, a truly weird combination of Japanese samurais, mystic possession (with some autoeroticism thrown in), abstract art, classical music by Sergei Prokofiev and Antonio Vivaldi and a story line that doesn’t make sense – nor does it bother to stop and explain itself to the viewer.

The usual shortcomings of shoestring budgeted B-movies goes with Blood Beat, most obvious of which is that the pacing is tediously slow, but I guess I have to give it some credit for trying out something a bit more unorthodox. I’d still much rather watch train wrecks like this than having to sit through yet another Friday the 13th bastardisation.

80s-o-meter: 41%

Total: 18%

#1117 Never Cry Wolf (1983)

Never Cry Wolf, based on the Farley Mowat’s controversial book of the same name marks for the first ever film for the Walt Disney Pictures label, established in 1983 to diversify film subjects and seek for broader audiences for Disney movies.

I enjoyed the vast landscapes of the subarctic Canada and the love the movie has for its canid subjects. The movie plays out pretty much as expected, so Never Cry Wolf is not about the destination, but more about enjoying the way there. The books tend to encompass these kind of personal journeys in a more intimate, thorough way, so I suspect that the original novel gives a better mileage for those really interested in the theme.

Charles Martin Smith does solid work as the lead and makes following his transformation from a city slicker into a man of the wilderness truly engaging.

80s-o-meter: 42%

Total: 61%

#1108 To Be or Not to Be (1983)

A remake of the 1942 film of the same name, To Be or Not to Be is a delightful little WWII satire.

Taking place in nazi occupied Poland, the movie follows the crew of Warsaw theater company as they put up a show of their lifetime as they try to retrieve the leaked list containing the names of the members of the Polish resistance from the clutches of the third reich. The movie pokes delightfully fun of the quirky nazi officers who like to act grand but turn into shaky poodles when confronted by persons of higher rank.

To Be or Not to Be is the most well rounded up comedy ever to come out of Mel Brooks’ film factory. It provides the trademark zany visual comedy Brooks is so well known for, but manages to couple it with some very entertaining elements of drama, thriller, human interest and musical.

80s-o-meter: 42%

Total: 90%

#1098 Smokey and the Bandit Part 3 (1983)

If the first sequel for Smokey and the Bandit didn’t need to be made, this holds especially true for Smokey and the Bandit Part 3.

Losing most of its better known stars, part 3 concentrates on pursue between Sheriff Buford T. Justice from previous iterations and The Bandit, played by the stuntman turned actor, turned director, Jerry Reed. While he can perform and direct nice stunts, the comedic attempts constantly fall short.

Chases and the stunts are better than previously, so if those are your thing you might find something to like here. For the rest of us, the final Smokey movie is just a deadweight piece of celluloid.

80s-o-meter: 21%

Total: 4%

#1087 Deadly Force (1983)

An exercise in mediocrity, Deadly Force is an action movie taking place in that distant fantasy land of Hollywood where no conventional rules of the world and physics apply.

Nothing in the movie stands out as it just seems to go through end endless list of clichés: Car chases, rogue cops, angry black police chiefs and vehicles that explode when shot with a hand gun – they’re all here.

The only way the movie could’ve ended up somewhat memorable was if it’d boasted a radiant lead. Unfortunately Wings Hauser isn’t one of them iconic action stars that could make a movie their own.

80s-o-meter: 88%

Total: 59%

#1082 Can She Bake a Cherry Pie? aka Café New York (1983)

If you dislike indie artsy cinema, Can She Bake a Cherry Pie is precisely the kind of movie that would make you hate them even more.

Shot ad-libbing (or so it seems) in New York, the movie shows a recently separated woman and middle aged man entering a relationship where they have sex and go through their neuroses. Watching the movie felt as if I was 6 years old again and having to listen to the adults having a tediously long and boring talks. But it’s even worse than that; here the people are in their underwear while having these long, yawn inducing discussions.

And as if the movie wasn’t artsy enough, it’s interrupted from time to time with needless bits of Orson Welles doing a cameo as a magician trying to make some animals disappear as well as clips of the lead Karen Black singing various musical numbers in some local improv.

80s-o-meter: 71%

Total: 1%

#1046 Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn (1983)

Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn is officially a sci-fi movie taking place on some distant planet, but don’t let a few latex masks and flying vehicles fool you: This is another one for the pile of the dystopian, post-apocalyptic desert action films.

The movie boasts somewhat better production values than its competition with modified cars, costumes and limited special effects, but the story itself is so uninteresting that I had a hard time keeping alert while watching the movie.

Unlike many other shoddy sci-fi titles of the era, Metalstorm: The Destruction of Jared-Syn does not really have any sort of cult following, probably due to not being shoddy enough to be any kind of guild pleasure. The film is also available as a shoddy 3D version, which does not really add to the experience at all.

80s-o-meter: 58%

Total: 22%

#1038 Class (1983)

A private school brainiac goes for a wild night out and hooks up with a woman of his dreams who woefully turns out to be his roommate’s mother in Class, probably the only decent early 80s comedy with the adult-youngster forbidden love theme (the other ones being My Tutor, Private Lessons and Blame it on Rio).

The movie works because it is first and foremost a decent comedy instead of cringeworthy voyeuristic peeping tom flick like its aforementioned competition. There’s some genuinely good chemistry between Andrew McCarthy and Rob Lowe and I can see the movie failing in many ways with other some less skilled leads.

The well built conflict that tears the friendship apart proves out to be too big for the screenwriters of the movie who weasel out of the situation in a disappointingly lukewarm fashion in the end.

80s-o-meter: 82%

Total: 79%

#1032 Breathless (1983)

Although I always aim to avoid reading of a movie before watching it to keep my bias down, in most cases with the mainstream cinema with notable actors, I already know the movie at least on some level.

Breathless was a complete surprise to me, and a positive one at that. Richard Gere plays a petty criminal from Las Vegas travelling to Los Angeles to find a girl he had a flake and gets involved in killing of a police officer. True to his nonchalant style he tries to shake it all off but soon finds himself on the run, slowly coming into realisation that for the first time in his life his charm can’t buy him out of the situation.

Gere is pretty much born to play the role of the ”seedy Vegas boy. Thinks he’s cute”, like one of the assistants behind the counter aptly puts it. Paul Newman’s amazing performance in Cool Hand Luke remains untouchable, but this is by far the best stab at it I’ve yet witnessed.

Combining elements of crime, sex, comics and rockabilly music, Breathless is stylish, crude crime and love story straight out of a cheap pulp magazine – and very much an underappreciated gem.

80s-o-meter: 84%

Total: 91%

#1030 My Tutor (1983)

A rich kid hellbent on losing his virginity gets a private french tutor in My Tutor, a blatant teen exploitation movie. As it goes, she also ends up teaching the youngster about life and love and as she finally exits, he has finally become a man.

Honestly, I wouldn’t had mind this kind of tutoring back in the days. But having to watching through 90 minutes of this voyeuristic baloney just never hit the spot for me.

80s-o-meter: 74%

Total: 37%