Kuukausi: maaliskuu 2020

#1253 The In Crowd (1988)

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Teen dance party TV programs were apparently a thing in 1960s. The In Crowd taps into this phenomenon and offers a look into a life of a young gentleman who makes it to the show and becomes a huge celebrity in his school.

The movie seems extremely silly and trivial so it was very hard for me to have any empathy to their problems, knowing that the male rivals of the movie would settle the score by having a dance off together in a living room.

Yes, a dance off.

The In Crowd tells a story that did not beg to be told and offers a nostalgic trip for meant for those who were there or who really dig the era, or at least when accompanied with thick, rosy nostalgia goggles.

80s-o-meter: 21%

Total: 11%

#1252 Battle for the Lost Planet aka Galaxy aka Galaxy Destroyer (1986)

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By far the most interesting and creative part of Battle for the Lost Planet takes place during its first 20 minutes as we witness an industrial spy trapped in a malfunctioning shuttle wandering aimlessly through the space, keeping the Spy in a solitary cell kind of setup, trying to maintain his physical and mental health.

Therefore it’s a shame what a stinker the movie turns out to be after the spy finally returns back to earth. It’s not even that the movie would be plain bad, but it’s just so uninteresting and insignificant and gets much more so towards the end as some remarkably meaningless elements of Mad Max are introduced.

80s-o-meter: 40%

Total: 17%

#1251 River of Death (1989)

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Take Michael Dudikoff of the American Ninja fame, Donald Pleasance of the Halloween fame and Robert Vaughn, and add elements of Nazi doctors lost in the South-American jungle and Indiana Jones like adventure elements and on paper you’ve got one heck of a value proposal for an entertaining movie.

But River of Death never delivers. Based on the Alistair MacLean’s 1981 novel of the same name that apparently wasn’t a strong one to start with offers virtually nothing engaging in the filmed form.

River of Death tries to mask the shortcomings of the story with strong product values – including surprisingly convincing set design – but it becomes painfully obvious no later than half way through the movie that it is totally running on empty.

80s-o-meter: 87%

Total: 40%

#1250 Permanent Record (1988)

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Although the 80s is a decade of teen movies if any, the films that depict the teens without lowest common denominator generalisations are far and between. Permanent Record joins this small group of movies with flying colors.

First of all it steers away from the usual teen clichés, offering a very believable take on the day to day life of an Oregon high school student. Secondly, it quite rarely condescends to underlining and being over dramatic to make a point; the boy who decides to take his life is a fine looking, popular kid who seems to be going places, but still goes through his final solution. It may be a spur of the moment act, or something he premeditated for year, but just like his friends who are left to mourn, we will never know.

Towards the end of the movie the movie has two distinctive moments that could have easily turned pretentious, but it’s the sincere love that Permanent Record shows towards its characters that just makes them honest and purely heart breaking.

80s-o-meter: 91%

Total: 94%

#1249 Dead Ringers (1988)

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Ah, it’s a David Cronenberg movie, so you never quite know what it has to offer, but you know it’s going to be at least interesting.

In Dead Ringers Cronenberg tells a story of two identical twins who run their gynaecology clinic and while identical twins they seem like two sides of a coin that have their distinctive personal traits, but somehow complete each other as one person. They use their resemblance to their advance and so that the introverted twin gets to share the women seduced by the outgoing one, until a clash over one woman finally makes the twins drift apart, with disastrous consequences.

80s-o-meter: 88%

Total: 84%

#1248 Someone to Watch Over Me (1987)

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If one had to name Ridley Scott’s movie from 1987, even most of the movie enthusiasts would likely draw blank.

Someone to Watch Over Me is probably by far the least known full length feature film in Scott’s immaculate catalogue of movies. And it is a much more insignificant one, resembling more your typical 80s cop movie than a landmark film Scott is known for.

That being said, it’s still a quality movie written, acted, directed and shot with the best skill Hollywood has to offer, and it’s interesting to see Tom Berenger in this anti hero lead role where he is not a perfect cop, perfect husband nor a perfect human.

80s-o-meter: 90%

Total: 85%

#1247 The Entity (1982)

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Based on the story of a Californian woman claiming to having been raped repeatedly by an invisible force, The Entity makes its duty to tell the whole nonsensical story in detail.

While I don’t mind supernatural, the story here is a bit too much to take in, which is a shame since the production quality and acting is not half bad. The movie is also far too long at 125 minutes for a story that doesn’t have enough elements to fill even 30 minutes and the movie ends up just consisting of all too many similar scenes of the force entering the house to violate its victim.

80s-o-meter: 60%

Total: 31%

#1246 Ninja III: The Domination (1984)

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The third film in Cannon Films’ Ninja Trilogy (the first being Enter the Ninja, and the second Revenge of the Ninja) that all have sort of a cult following, Ninja III: The Domination is really sequel only in name.

But it might the the most bizarre one of the all three, combining elements of ninjitsu mythology, exorcism and erotic thrillers and throwing in to the mix all sorts of 80s elements like big hairs, neon lights and aerobics.

Despite all this, Ninja III: The Domination isn’t quite the riot it sounds like – but it does end up my favourite of the three. What was said with the previous movies of the trilogy, holds true here as well: the new 4k transfers look amazing, but the old worn out VHS versions will provide much more atmosphere that somehow work out for all the Ninja movies’ advantage.

80s-o-meter: 92%

Total: 80%

#1245 No Small Affair (1984)

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No Small Affair, a depiction of a nerdy 16 year old photographer falling hopelessly in love with a nightclub singer was originally written for Matthew Broderick in mind. And as much as I appreciate Jon Cryer’s later works, I can’t help but to think that the movie would’ve been much more believable with Broderick in lead.

With Cryer and Demi Moore as his love interest the movie kind of works, but the lack of real chemistry between the two hurt the overall experience. The movie does have its moments and as a whole it’s original and likeable, albeit without much of a rewatch qualities to it.

80s-o-meter: 82%

Total: 72%

#1244 Teachers (1984)

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Teachers would have been a better movie if it shifted its focus more on being either a comedy or a drama as the way how it mixes the two was not to my liking.

Right now the emphasis is on comedy, but as the movie later introduces some actually dramatic elements, like a young juvenile student getting assaulted in the school by his own father, the drama lost much of the impact it could’ve had.

Nick Nolte makes a very believable role as a teacher that is a rare breed, but totally recognisable to me: one who can connect with even the lost causes. Ralph Macchio does not cut it at all as a juvenile student, but Judd Hirsch saves the day with his portrayal of a hilariously disillusioned principal.

80s-o-meter: 78%

Total: 61%

#1243 The Phantom of the Opera (1989)

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An 80s take on classic 1910 novel The Phantom of the Opera starring Robert Englund of A Nightmare on Elm Street fame sort of disappoints for not being an absolute stinker I took it for.

In fact, it’s a surprisingly well made movie with great atmosphere, majestic songs, well executed special effects and impeccable scenic design.

Although the movie’s marketing was strongly built upon Englund’s role, it remains the least interesting part of the movie, and the movie could’ve actually gained from having a lead that didn’t have such burden of a typecasting to carry.

80s-o-meter: 85%

Total: 78%

#1242 Mystery Train (1989)

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Although nothing much happens in Jim Jarmusch’s Mystery Train, there’s just something very enchanting about it.

We get to witness three overlapping stories of events unravelling in one day and night in Memphis and while the movie starts stylish but slow, by the third story I found myself fully hooked the the movie and would’ve kept on watching one similar story after another if the movie just offered more.

80s-o-meter: 71%

Total: 85%

#1240 ‎The Pick-up Artist (1987)

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We all know what a cool guy Robert Downey Jr of today is. But in his previous life he was a somewhat tiresome character in multiple 80s teen movies.

The Pick-up Artist – Downey Jr’s first leading cinematic role – catches him at his worst. To his defense, there’s nothing much for him to work with in the weak character the script pins on him and I can’t see any contemporary actor saving the movie either.

Nonetheless, the role demands someone with the charm to pull off the lovable scoundrel schtick, but young Downey Jr can’t provide any of that, and his character comes off plain annoying. Same goes for Molly Ringwald who at the peak of her career ends up wasting her time and talent as the romantic interest of this movie.

80s-o-meter: 90%

Total: 36%

#1239 ‎Only When I Laugh (1981)

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The snappy dialogue and the way that the characters throw the wit around in Only When I Laugh is charming at first but soon starts to feel much too theatrical.

But where the movie succeeds is depicting an alcoholic. We are right there with her daughter charmed by Georgia, a recovering alcoholic thespian, and believing every word she says. But as anyone who’s ever been close to an alcoholic, it’s walking on egg shells and the facade they can put up can often look pristine outside – so good that it may fool even the alcoholic herself.

Only When I Laugh is not a bad concept – it’s filled with undeniable talent – but as a movie it’s executed in a way that makes watching much more of a chore than it needed to be.

80s-o-meter: 55%

Total: 58%

#1238 ‎Streetwalkin’ (1985)

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A small town girl in a big city gets seduced by Duke, a charismatic pimp, and made walk the streets for money. She don’t mind it though until Duke gets bat shit crazy with another girl of his and beats her unconscious. From here starts a getaway through nocturnal New York with Duke right on her heels.

Streetwalkin’ chooses an exploitative point of view that doesn’t really feel as fresh as the movie makers wanted it to feel, but as a thriller it does get pretty ok towards the end as Duke closes in step by step. Dale Midkiff plays the part of the psychotic pimp to a perfection, and his bursts of rage don’t feel theatrical, but truly chilling.

The movie is one of the examples of many misaligned marketing efforts of the era: its poster does not represent any of the characters or the thriller nature of the movie in any way.

80s-o-meter: 87%

Total: 62%

#1237 ‎The Phantom Empire (1988)

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Fred Olen Ray, the modern day Ed Wood is back with another C-movie made on purpose.

The Phantom Empire introduces us a group up adventurers entering a cave and eventually finding themselves in a prehistoric world. The movie picks up elements like dodgy alien cannibals, dinosaurs, sci-fi cars and humanoid vamps straight from the picture book of 50s horror movies, but doesn’t really know to do anything inventive or funny with them, ending up a pretty pointless and tediously paced exercise that never quite grasps you.

80s-o-meter: 30%

Total: 41%

#1236 Mystery Mansion (1983)

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Mystery Mansion is a family adventure that is a bit too heavily family oriented (ie. does have additional layers for the grown ups to enjoy) and so will not likely keep anyone’s interest up who haven’t seen the movie as kids.

Being a kids’ movie with just a few tame scares, the movie does end up in an eerie way that has likely stuck with the kids who saw this back in the day.

80s-o-meter: 48%

Total: 32%