#1261 The Lost Empire (1984)

The Lost Empire wants to be wonderfully outrageous B-movie, but despite all the over the top action feels somehow a bit more bland than the writer/director Jim Wynorski aimed for. What it does provide as promised is a constant stream of e-cup mammaries.

Although it was not my cup of tea I can see this being the guilty pleasure for many – as it was designed to be.

The Lost Empire does get a bit more interesting and over the top (in a good way) towards its last 15 minutes, for which I hiked up its scoring a good 20 points.

80s-o-meter: 81%

Total: 58%

#1260 Land of Doom (1986)

Mad Max wasn’t the first movie to the post-apocalyptic wasteland genre, but its success resulted to the genre to skyrocket, with unfortunate consequences: if the original Mad Max wasn’t much of a masterpiece, the copycat movies are generally completely worthless uninteresting, uninspired pieces of cheap trash.

Land of Doom lands somewhere in between. While the setup and the baddies are your typical carbon copy leather dudes on basic motorcycles with some dodgy frames welded on, it’s not a total stinker and has some ok moments in it, including interesting landscapes shot in Turkey – again, compared to shooting it in the nearest sandpit like so many similar movies do.

80s-o-meter: 60%

Total: 28%

#1259 Cheetah (1989)

Look, I know what I was getting into when starting to watch Cheetah; a family movie made by Walt Disney Pictures.

I had a reason though: I was hoping there’d be something here for us adults as well so that I could’ve added Cheetah to my catalogue of movies to watch with my kids later. But, there’s nothing here, and to be honest I don’t think the movie is that enchanting to the kids either.

One of the problems here is that for a movie that could’ve been about Cheetah (and Africa), it focuses instead on the young American siblings trying to save the day by busting a crooked Indian clerk and a bounty hunter after the Cheetah. Some of the locations are nice, but you’ll get better experience watching almost any National Geography documentary out there.

80s-o-meter: 85%

Total: 25%

#1258 Date with an Angel (1987)

Whether you enjoy watching Date with an Angel at all depends on if you take it as a weird comedy with a huge credibility problem – or an adult fantasy fairytale that it is.

The sooner I accepted this, the more I started to enjoy the movie, especially considering that in a bigger picture it all kind of made sense in the end. My movie experience went from rolling my eyes, to getting somewhat engaged, to actually wanting to watch the movie again some time in the future.

I’d even consider the movie a triumph for managing to sell the viewer such an implausible setup, and I’d hoped the team had had more courage than to wrap up the movie otherwise than its current compromised crowd pleasing ending.

80s-o-meter: 90%

Total: 81%

#1257 Nate and Hayes aka Savage Islands (1983)

A totally unknown adventure movie for most, Nate and Hayes (or Savage Islands as it was known in the Europe) depicts a scoundrel of a captain, and a green-behind-the-ears missionary joining forces to find the missionary’s kidnapped wife to be, while having (an often hilariously courteous) for her hand.

The movie played out completely different than I anticipated, but in a good way. The tropical, piratey setting looks beautiful and makes for a perfect setting for an hour and a half of escapism. Tommy Lee Jones and Michael O’Keefe that possessed some alluring star quality at the time show tremendous chemistry, and both are joy to watch in their respective roles.

Nate and Hayes took me by surprise, making its way up to my top-10 list of 80s adventures. What a thrill!

80s-o-meter: 21%

Total: 92%

#1256 Old Gringo (1989)

A big money production depicting two Americans in the midst of the Mexican revolution, Old Gringo is a triumph settings wise, but if it has any deeper points to make, I kept on missing it.

Sure, sometimes the movies don’t need to make a point, but the Old Gringo is told in a way that it seems to make one, before completely sidetracking once again. In other words, there seems to be a good story hiding here somewhere, but it never surfaces.

Greckory Peck – who was 73 years old at the time – makes for a charismatic role a disillusioned author in search of a one last adventure, and maybe that one more sigh from a lady.

80s-o-meter: 11%

Total: 57%

#1255 Boggy Creek II: And the Legend Continues aka The Barbaric Beast of Boggy Creek, Part II (1984)

An official sequel to the 1972 original (there was a similarly named Return to Boggy Creek released in 1977 that didn’t involve the original director Charles B. Pierce) docudrama that became a huge success taking in accountthe shoestring budget it was film on.

While I haven’t seen the original and can’t compare the sequel to it, I do have to say that this is one of the most uninspired pieces of story ever put on celluloid. The director and mastermind Mr. Pierce that was behind the original not only directs, but takes credit for writing and starring as the lead of the movie.

And the lack of proficiency shows all over: the movie is drab, uninteresting show that judging by the trailer looks poorer and more dated than the 70s original.

80s-o-meter: 0%

Total: 2%

#1254 Mission Kill (1986)

Your typical 80s action romp where an all-American male travels to a 3rd world country, confronts some wrongdoings which he resolves by blowing up the whole place.

And like with many of the similar romps is that there’s nothing here that would save Mission Kill from complete mediocrity. While Robert Ginty as the lead is not to blame, the movie would’ve probably gained some limited extra mileage out of having some iconic contemporary action star, like Chuck Norris, starring in it.

80s-o-meter: 87%

Total: 39%

#1253 The In Crowd (1988)

Teen dance party TV programs were apparently a thing in 1960s. The In Crowd taps into this phenomenon and offers a look into a life of a young gentleman who makes it to the show and becomes a huge celebrity in his school.

The movie seems extremely silly and trivial so it was very hard for me to have any empathy to their problems, knowing that the male rivals of the movie would settle the score by having a dance off together in a living room.

Yes, a dance off.

The In Crowd tells a story that did not beg to be told and offers a nostalgic trip for meant for those who were there or who really dig the era, or at least when accompanied with thick, rosy nostalgia goggles.

80s-o-meter: 21%

Total: 11%

#1252 Battle for the Lost Planet aka Galaxy aka Galaxy Destroyer (1986)

By far the most interesting and creative part of Battle for the Lost Planet takes place during its first 20 minutes as we witness an industrial spy trapped in a malfunctioning shuttle wandering aimlessly through the space, keeping the Spy in a solitary cell kind of setup, trying to maintain his physical and mental health.

Therefore it’s a shame what a stinker the movie turns out to be after the spy finally returns back to earth. It’s not even that the movie would be plain bad, but it’s just so uninteresting and insignificant and gets much more so towards the end as some remarkably meaningless elements of Mad Max are introduced.

80s-o-meter: 40%

Total: 17%

#1251 River of Death (1989)

Take Michael Dudikoff of the American Ninja fame, Donald Pleasance of the Halloween fame and Robert Vaughn, and add elements of Nazi doctors lost in the South-American jungle and Indiana Jones like adventure elements and on paper you’ve got one heck of a value proposal for an entertaining movie.

But River of Death never delivers. Based on the Alistair MacLean’s 1981 novel of the same name that apparently wasn’t a strong one to start with offers virtually nothing engaging in the filmed form.

River of Death tries to mask the shortcomings of the story with strong product values – including surprisingly convincing set design – but it becomes painfully obvious no later than half way through the movie that it is totally running on empty.

80s-o-meter: 87%

Total: 40%

#1250 Permanent Record (1988)

Although the 80s is a decade of teen movies if any, the films that depict the teens without lowest common denominator generalisations are far and between. Permanent Record joins this small group of movies with flying colors.

First of all it steers away from the usual teen clichés, offering a very believable take on the day to day life of an Oregon high school student. Secondly, it quite rarely condescends to underlining and being over dramatic to make a point; the boy who decides to take his life is a fine looking, popular kid who seems to be going places, but still goes through his final solution. It may be a spur of the moment act, or something he premeditated for year, but just like his friends who are left to mourn, we will never know.

Towards the end of the movie the movie has two distinctive moments that could have easily turned pretentious, but it’s the sincere love that Permanent Record shows towards its characters that just makes them honest and purely heart breaking.

80s-o-meter: 91%

Total: 94%

#1249 Dead Ringers (1988)

Ah, it’s a David Cronenberg movie, so you never quite know what it has to offer, but you know it’s going to be at least interesting.

In Dead Ringers Cronenberg tells a story of two identical twins who run their gynaecology clinic and while identical twins they seem like two sides of a coin that have their distinctive personal traits, but somehow complete each other as one person. They use their resemblance to their advance and so that the introverted twin gets to share the women seduced by the outgoing one, until a clash over one woman finally makes the twins drift apart, with disastrous consequences.

80s-o-meter: 88%

Total: 84%

#1248 Someone to Watch Over Me (1987)

If one had to name Ridley Scott’s movie from 1987, even most of the movie enthusiasts would likely draw blank.

Someone to Watch Over Me is probably by far the least known full length feature film in Scott’s immaculate catalogue of movies. And it is a much more insignificant one, resembling more your typical 80s cop movie than a landmark film Scott is known for.

That being said, it’s still a quality movie written, acted, directed and shot with the best skill Hollywood has to offer, and it’s interesting to see Tom Berenger in this anti hero lead role where he is not a perfect cop, perfect husband nor a perfect human.

80s-o-meter: 90%

Total: 85%

#1247 The Entity (1982)

Based on the story of a Californian woman claiming to having been raped repeatedly by an invisible force, The Entity makes its duty to tell the whole nonsensical story in detail.

While I don’t mind supernatural, the story here is a bit too much to take in, which is a shame since the production quality and acting is not half bad. The movie is also far too long at 125 minutes for a story that doesn’t have enough elements to fill even 30 minutes and the movie ends up just consisting of all too many similar scenes of the force entering the house to violate its victim.

80s-o-meter: 60%

Total: 31%

#1246 Ninja III: The Domination (1984)

The third film in Cannon Films’ Ninja Trilogy (the first being Enter the Ninja, and the second Revenge of the Ninja) that all have sort of a cult following, Ninja III: The Domination is really sequel only in name.

But it might the the most bizarre one of the all three, combining elements of ninjitsu mythology, exorcism and erotic thrillers and throwing in to the mix all sorts of 80s elements like big hairs, neon lights and aerobics.

Despite all this, Ninja III: The Domination isn’t quite the riot it sounds like – but it does end up my favourite of the three. What was said with the previous movies of the trilogy, holds true here as well: the new 4k transfers look amazing, but the old worn out VHS versions will provide much more atmosphere that somehow work out for all the Ninja movies’ advantage.

80s-o-meter: 92%

Total: 80%

#1245 No Small Affair (1984)

No Small Affair, a depiction of a nerdy 16 year old photographer falling hopelessly in love with a nightclub singer was originally written for Matthew Broderick in mind. And as much as I appreciate Jon Cryer’s later works, I can’t help but to think that the movie would’ve been much more believable with Broderick in lead.

With Cryer and Demi Moore as his love interest the movie kind of works, but the lack of real chemistry between the two hurt the overall experience. The movie does have its moments and as a whole it’s original and likeable, albeit without much of a rewatch qualities to it.

80s-o-meter: 82%

Total: 72%

#1244 Teachers (1984)

Teachers would have been a better movie if it shifted its focus more on being either a comedy or a drama as the way how it mixes the two was not to my liking.

Right now the emphasis is on comedy, but as the movie later introduces some actually dramatic elements, like a young juvenile student getting assaulted in the school by his own father, the drama lost much of the impact it could’ve had.

Nick Nolte makes a very believable role as a teacher that is a rare breed, but totally recognisable to me: one who can connect with even the lost causes. Ralph Macchio does not cut it at all as a juvenile student, but Judd Hirsch saves the day with his portrayal of a hilariously disillusioned principal.

80s-o-meter: 78%

Total: 61%

#1243 The Phantom of the Opera (1989)

An 80s take on classic 1910 novel The Phantom of the Opera starring Robert Englund of A Nightmare on Elm Street fame sort of disappoints for not being an absolute stinker I took it for.

In fact, it’s a surprisingly well made movie with great atmosphere, majestic songs, well executed special effects and impeccable scenic design.

Although the movie’s marketing was strongly built upon Englund’s role, it remains the least interesting part of the movie, and the movie could’ve actually gained from having a lead that didn’t have such burden of a typecasting to carry.

80s-o-meter: 85%

Total: 78%

#1242 Mystery Train (1989)

Although nothing much happens in Jim Jarmusch’s Mystery Train, there’s just something very enchanting about it.

We get to witness three overlapping stories of events unravelling in one day and night in Memphis and while the movie starts stylish but slow, by the third story I found myself fully hooked the the movie and would’ve kept on watching one similar story after another if the movie just offered more.

80s-o-meter: 71%

Total: 85%